You know when you're little...

And you think about what life will be like when you're all grown up? You know kind of like the house you'll have and the car you'll maybe drive....?

We'll I was never one to dream about having the perfect wedding or marrying the perfect person or having X amount of children named Y and Z... but I did however have a certain expectation that I would not end up feeling perpetually stuck... I've got this creeping realization that there are a lot of things in life I will very most likely never ever have. Primarily it's money I suppose. I can't see ever owning a home or a vehicle of any sort more swish than the wee one's pram and we got that second hand!!! I just never invisioned a future of just scraping by... It's kind of depressing... but I'm not sure if it's the realization of it or if it's my inability to do anything about it. I just feel like a bit of a passenger in this whole life thing at the moment.

Good and bad things pass me by but the achievabilty of certain major goals are just so far out of reach it knocks the wind out of me. I do however have a lot to be greatful for, that I'm not so arrogant to not accept, but it's a strange place to be in. I'm not sure I like it much. I do not at all think I'm more deserving of comforts than the next person but I just wonder sometimes how people who are also in this situation don't seem to mind... or do they? Or are they so blissfuly unaware they want not for more? How do I blank my mind out and stop questioning things and just blissfuly accept?

I'm thinking it's not going to be possible.

but the sun is shining... lets just be thankful for that.